I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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