I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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