Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
