new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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