Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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