some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
