Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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