Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
