This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
