people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
