I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
