If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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