I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
They took my balls.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
