I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
