it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
