So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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