apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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