Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
