I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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