Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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