A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
