New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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