He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
