At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
