I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
