I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
