Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
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