Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
