shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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