Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
