I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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