Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
