hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
