I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
