theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Drunk is not a location!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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