More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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