this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
