seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.