Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There is no way he is gay with that hair.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness