And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
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They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
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i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.