His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
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Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
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ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.