words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM