Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.