Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
