well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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