His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
