Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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