Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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