Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
