just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
