thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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