Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
