So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
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I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
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So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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