Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
