super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
