I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
