he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
