the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
