I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
