You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
