"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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