I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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