home. puking in laundry basket.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
