I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
