I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i now understand why vodka
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
