O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
