I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
