my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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