ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
