just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
