I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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