I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
