im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
