She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
