I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
