3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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