Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Randomize
