She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my shit smells like andre
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
