I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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