you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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