he shaved USA in his pubs
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
