sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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