are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
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We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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