The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
